“What I am learning while Waiting”

Waiting. This is where I find myself in a couple of major areas of my life. Like many of us, I have many inward dreams and goals to grow something of worth that aligns with what I sense is my Purpose… though hard to explain, I feel there are a few things “inside of me” that have not been birthed yet. I no longer seek to “climb some ladder”, yet I do seek to know and fulfill His Kingdom Purpose in this portion of eternity. To understand this moment in my life, some background is needed.

For as long as I can remember, I have been inwardly running hard.. Though nothing wrong with that, my “race” was foundationally contaminated since my identity was defined by what I achieved or how I performed. The power of Drew. Sadly, it wasn’t till 2013 that I finally accepted God’s Truth that my Identity can only be founded in WHO I AM IN HIM and WHO I BELONG TO. For all those previous decades, the issue was just simply Lordship – who really controls my life; will I trust Drew or will I trust God. I wrongly put my trust in my own work-ethic, passions, and talents (all of which were originally given to me by GOD for HIS Purpose). To be blunt, I just out-hustled/out-worked most people… sounds admirable, but it isnt when my ultimate goal was to exalt Drew. To justify this, I unconsciously used every excuse in the book… “this is my personality type”; “I am just an ‘A-type’”; or the old lie of “God helps those who helps themselves”. Yes, there are seasons that God wants me to move out in the wisdom and truth He has given me… this grows my spiritual and/or professional muscles but always must be done from a Christ-centered perspective (which I failed at). However, as in this season, HE also requires us all to sometimes just “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps 46:10). In my all Drew-Powered efforts, the fruit of that was a lack of inner peace, frustration, striving, controlling, selfishness, damaged relationships, discontentment, depression, anger, and unbelief (look at Jeremiah 17:5-9 and Galatians 5:22-23). I was worn out, and certainly was not enjoying the ride of life. But GOD!! Starting in 2013 thru today, I reliquenished my right to be my own god, and HE has graciously been dismantling my idols, bringing full healing and restoration, and has mended even some very real generational wounds.

This past 8+ years has been like pealing a semi-rotten onion. It is HIS process, and it has been an intentional shedding of several layers of Drew …. Ugly, selfish, rotten Drew. Manipulation, striving, posturing, ugliness. And as in the natural, the “pealing” unfortunately means others got to share in the “stank”. This has also been a decade of being built up – in my identity of who I am in Christ; to seek restoration, freedom and healing for siblings and family and friends alike; to learn how to love and just enjoy the ride of daily life.

This is now a sustained freedom thru daily obedience. To ensure my new foundation is solid, HE has birthed inside me some dreams that are HUGE (and seemingly impossible and already behind schedule)… yet HE then has instructed me three (3) separate and distinct times in the last five (5) years one very simple order: “WAIT ON ME. Just WAIT.” Everything inside me wants to “help God” and go kick down some doors. Nope. WAIT. This forces me to “choose this day” who I will serve – Drew or God. And in this season of my life, WAITING is HIS order despite being the very opposite of what my flesh wants to do – which is also how I personally know this is from HIM.

I know that I am right where I am supposed to be, but the struggle is to be content right now and to NOT longingly look forward to some unknown future objective. I also struggle with the inward dreams that HE put inside me but with zero evidence that they will ever manifest. The “old Drew” would just say – work hard, make them happen. What I must face daily is that HE still gives me HIS dream(s), but HE alone is responsible for bringing them about – not me.

Earlier this week I hit an anniversary in a certain area of my life, and I have been reflecting on the invaluable things I have gained in this season of pruning and waiting. For instance, I have learned how to serve others with no personal agenda or itinerary, only how can I serve another person. Oh, and this is regardless of their character or whether they reciprocate respect and honor, and simply based on their positional authority. This sucks, but is possible thru God, and I have even seen how simple honor and serving enabled God to impact this person and the culture of that organization for the good. I have learned how to praise HIM regardless of what is going on around me (especially when very bad things happen). I also am continuing to learn how to pray, bless, and work hard in support another person(s), help create and enable their vision, ensure their success(s), and even secure their promotion; and to celebrate that with and for them. Final one I will cite is that I am also learning that waiting and the “silence” does NOT mean God has forgotten about me. And even though HE seems to be silent, I do NOT have the right to disobey HIS last given order to WAIT nor do I have the right to have a bad attitude either.

See, God is more interested in my heart than HE is with what I accomplish; none of us can bypass “The Process” and expect to achieve God’s plan, and it is only when I am doing HIS purposes that I am truly content and fulfilled. So while in the crucible, I must embrace that HIS Plan is about my character, my submission, and my reflection of HIMself – not so much about the things that are measurable on this earth or my pitiful aspirations or goals. One last fun fact that God has shown me in HIS Word… We all know that God can’t lie nor does HE change HIS Mind. But HE also is not bound by the same dimensions of time that we humans are… in the Bible, God often promised something to “One person”, and then fulfilled HIS promised Word thru that person’s future generation(s)… no matter the timeline, God satisfied HIS Word and still accredited to the original “person”. Meaning: the big dreams and desires that I am pregnant with and are growing inside me may not be fulfilled in my life time… but I am responsible to steward these dreams even if I don’t get the satisfaction of seeing them manifested in my lifetime. That sure is some “good PowerPoint” but rubs here in the real world at times. Can I be faithful to steward something for another generation despite never enjoying the actual manifestation of it in my time? Only history will prove whether or not I am faithful.

So, here are my own personal applications:

1. Keep laying “Drew” on the daily altar (Romans 12:1-2). Don’t allow “Drew” to jump off the altar to run after my own agenda.
2. Focus on today. GOD desires to hang out with me right now, today. So, resist the temptation to just get thru this phase for “greener pastures” (besides, the grass “over there” may only be greener due to a leaking septic tank).
3. Keep dreaming. Do what I can to prepare without violating the “WAIT” order. But know that God is responsible for provisioning, enabling, and bringing about HIS Dreams – not Drew.
4. Play XBOX. Play lots of XBOX.

Waiting. And more waiting. I am praying God will help me thrive in the waiting and to know HIM in a very personal and real way – right here, right now.

1Alanna Christina Cherry3 CommentsLikeCommentShare